Every Heart For Years
by Silver Evenstar
Summary: Major AU. Meryl's life was lead by her father's princples. When she's kidnapped by the cold and dangerous Stampede, will Meryl's real past bring her closer to him, or drive him away in the end?
1. Prologue

**Every Heart For Years**

A/N: This is an AU, so don't be so surprised if characters are by OOC by certain degrees, but certain parts of the story originally follow along.

**Prologue**

Love, it's a funny thing. When your little, most parents shower you with the attention and love you crave. However as you grow older, you desire more. Love from someone else. To have someone else's heart belong to you and likewise. To be alone is probably the hardest thing in life. Even the most evil of people, they have their lackeys, and in a way, that is their family… their 'love'.

Milly Thompson… the girl I grew up with. My best friend, certainly a bright minded woman, but getting her to use that mind, well… that can be a problem sometimes. She thinks with her heart, which I used to think was something I'd want to do. At the age of eighteen, she married a man… Nicholas D. Wolfwood. A man made for her quite literally. However just after a year of happy marriage, he shot himself. No one knows why exactly, but Milly insists he was murdered. And somewhere inside, I agree.

Though Milly remarried, she married someone… or more something that was much more violent than Wolfwood, however when it came to Milly he was the sweetest guy ever, if you looked past the façade he often gave. He's the brother of the famous outlaw. The one that destroys the towns and villages around him faster than anyone can rebuild them. Knives isn't exactly… gentle, but he cares for Milly and hell, I'll even say it. He loves her. And he also seems positive that his brother is the one who killed Nick and he wants to find his 'dear' brother.

So in the end, I guess even family can't save you. The loving bond that you hold to someone through blood can't **save** you. That's where I swore off love. Well… that love that consumes you completely. To find that one person you love so dearly that you couldn't live without… I swore I would live without him. There is only one problem with that I never thought about. You don't get to pick. You don't get to choose. You don't have a say.

And you certainly can't help the way you feel.

----------

" He's near, I can feel him." Knives growled out as he stared at the city below them from the cliff. Milly let out a half whimper and suddenly latched herself onto his arm. " I can't believe he did all this… in one night?" Knives simply nodded and let his wife cling to his arm, a half annoyed look sat on his face. Not too far to the right of him, he spied Mily's best friend Meryl staring at the city in disbelief.

" Why are you here? I mean, I can understand Milly but you…" Meryl snapped a glare towards Knives, who simply smirked at her. _Always trying to get me to leave. Yeah right, like I'd leave Milly alone with HIM._ Snorting slightly, she waved a hand towards him and turned on a heel, starting down the cliff. " It's my job. I'm a bodyguard, and Milly's father hired me to be her guard." Knives pulled his arm free from Milly's grasp and motioned her to follow Meryl.

Somehow Milly found a smile and hurried to catch up with her 'sister'. " I know Daddy said to follow me, but really… Knives can protect me." Meryl simply raised her brow a little towards the taller woman before shaking her head. " I'm not just your guard but your best friend Milly. I won't leave you alone to face this. If this… man really did kill Nick, I want to be there for you." _Okay maybe it's a little more. I feel as though I should be here… maybe even ahead._ Sighing softly, she looked over at Milly who looked slightly depressed.

" Sorry it's just…" Milly let out a half squeal and giggle, shaking her head a little. " It's in the past. Nicky is happy, I know it. For me, you, the family… even Knives." Meryl inwardly groaned, somehow doubting that Wolfwood would have ever approved of Knives… though whatever made Milly happy, the Priest did seem to approve of. Shaking her head a little, it seemed Knives had appeared out of nowhere next to Milly, the ever present scowl on his face. " I can't stop him, you both know that, but I still want to see him."

_Knives always seems so persistent to see his brother. The way he talks about him it's as though the man doesn't know what he would want. For him to stop or him to just keep following._ Meryl let out a groan as they turned and started down the path towards the city ruins. Fresh smoke still came up from between the cracks of the rubble. Meryl groaned softly and tried to swat the smell from her nose, but it didn't matter what she did, her eyes watered and blurred her vision.

" Split up like always?" She muttered, but Knives caught it and gave a nod. Taking Milly's hand, he led her straight through the city. Taking a left turn into what she assumed to be an old street, Meryl wrapped her arms around herself, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand now and then. _So what is he supposed to look like again? Red coat, blond hair, and as tall as Knives? Well that's such a great description._ Running her fingers through her short hair, trying to remember what exactly Knives had said to her if she should ever meet his brother.

_" He's evil. He goes for the plants first. He'll destroy those and while the people of the town, village, city whatever, try to fix them, he goes about killing off their families. Eventually he gets bored and simply destroys the rest of the town with one strike. Just because he can, and I suggest if you meet him, you run and hide. You'll know it too. Red coat, slightly blonder hair than me and longer… he may even still keep it spiked. A large silver gun, that's what you'll most likely see first."_

Meryl blinked slightly. The chances of survival in this kind of wreckage were impossible. Yet she had a feeling that their 'trio' wasn't the only ones in the town. Rounding another corner, she tried to keep track of all the turns she was taking. It could become very easy to get lost in this sort of destruction. Her mind started to wander again at one of the few times Knives ever even muttered something towards her.

_" He's got excellent aim. So chances of winning a draw against him are unlikely. He feels nothing for whom he kills. Women, children, and men… they're all the same to him. Chances of living around him are small. He doesn't like to let people live. He'll stay in a town days after destroying it, picking off people who come to help or to find him." "So how do you know all this?"_ _" Simple. I used to follow him. Sometimes I even helped. However he left me behind after I was shot. Said I was a lost cause. That's when Milly took me in."_

Somewhere inside, Meryl wasn't sure if that had even been the right thing to do. Knives was rather violent at first when Milly tried to help him, but unlike her, he never harmed her. Once or twice he had actually cut her open with his rants and raves about being a weak link and how humans were the most annoying things he had ever met. He even ranted that he and his brother had been sent to Gunsmoke to simply kill the humans. Thankfully, he never did cause her much damage, especially after he seemed to realize how much Milly was caring for him… about him.

Milly had that affect on people, unlike her. She worked constantly around the town, mostly as a waitress at the local café, but when they needed a skilled bodyguard, they called her. After her mother died at the age of seven, her father started giving her lessons in guns. Slowly, she was becoming the most skilled 'gunman' in over one thousand iles. And then her father was shot. Murdered. A gang that had been formed to chance the 'legendary' outlaw, and came into the town, ordering free drinks, company and places to stay. Her father stood up to them, and went down doing the same.

Meryl stopped in the middle of the alleyway, where two buildings fell towards each other, creating a very dark and smoky walkway into what felt like nothingness. Thinking of her father, it always gave her courage. Taking a deep breath, she continued into the dark, which seemed to lead into one of the few still standing buildings. The room was small and very empty. Only a chair rested in the center, and sitting on the chair was a man. She couldn't see his face at all, since he was staring down at the floor.

He could have been dead for all she knew. She hadn't thought of bringing a light with her, so she couldn't even make out what he was wearing. She simply saw the etched lines of someone sitting before her. Something familiar came off him in waves, something that both frightened her, and yet urged her forward. " Ex-excuse me sir?" _Wimp…_ she growled slightly as she saw his shoulders rise a little before a snort was close to follow.

" Sir? Now that is something no one has ever called me." The voice was almost dead sounding. Flat, harsh and very cold, she could have sworn he wasn't even moving his mouth, had not been for the little bit of light. Twitching her nose softly, she took a step towards him reaching towards his shoulder. The smoke in her eyes caused her to blink, and as she opened her eyes, she found herself staring straight down the barrel of a gun. A silver gun.

----------

Okay first of all, no this not going to be like changing Vash into Knives. There are reasons, which of course will come up later! And for those of you who didn't guess, it's Mery's thoughts at the beginning.

I also forgot my disclaimer. I don't own Trigun, but believe me, I wouldn't mind owning Vash. R&R Pwease?


	2. Need

**Every Heart For Years**

**Chapter One - Need**

It's a funny thing, fear. We fear lots of things. We fear the lose of family, the lose of friends, to lose sight of your own self. But what happens when you actually do lose? Most of us just put up and stick up. We keep going. But what if you can't. If you lose yourself, how are you supposed to keep going? Suddenly every decision you make means less and less to you each time you have to make it. Morals drop to the point where they were just silly little things getting in the way.

For most of us, we have people to help us find our way back. But if we could live forever, and we had no one to help us back, we'd sink down into nothing. We'd become nothing. Without those around us, we would be **nothing**. Maybe that was why I wasn't as afraid as I should have been. Staring straight down into a gun, the one that belonged to none other than The Humanoid Typhoon. Vash The Stampede, the man who killed because he could. Perhaps things are far more gray than we ever thought possible.

I was just as much of a nothing as he was.

----------

Meryl couldn't move. Staring straight down into the gun made her feel like she was staring straight towards hell. She shook, not even really sure if it was fear she was feeling, or more the feeling of how her father must have felt when the bandits pointed the gun straight into his face too. Her eyes traveled down to see his finger almost stroking the trigger, as though he wasn't sure he wanted to do it, but in a split second, she saw the worst thing, he pulled it.

Meryl's eyes shot shut, by pure instinct alone. She whimpered slightly as her brain slowly processed what happened. _Click._ She opened her eyes, the light in the room shifting to the point where she could actually see him. Blond hair like Knives had said, red coat, eyes covered by golden sunglasses. A smirk sat on his lips before he started to chuckle, but certainly not one of an innocent man. It was as cold and degrading as his voice.

Almost instantly her eyes seemed to dry up from the smoke and threatened tears that she had wanted to spill. A growl came from within her throat, and he must have heard it because he stopped laughing, turning to look at her through his glasses. Her fists were drawn up at her sides, and she still shook. Raising his brow slightly he didn't even see what came next. His sunglasses bounced across the floor and he found himself staring at the ground slightly.

Meryl glared at the man before her. He had lowered his gun slightly, his free hand rest on his cheek as though it was a pure shock to find someone had actually hit him. The sting in his face was unfamiliar to him. Sure, every now and then he got nicked by a bullet or hit by a falling rubble from around him, but never had someone stood in front of him and back handed him across the face for the prank he often pulled on humans. Such easy things to frighten and yet somehow the one in front of him didn't seem to care that it could have been a bullet in her head.

Narrowing his sea green eyes, he sat up and lifted his head along with his gun. Glaring straight back into her gray but solid eyes, which to his disappointment, no longer held fear, he tried to find some kind of reasoning to it. After everything he had ever done, the destruction, the pain, the horror he caused even to her for a split second, she simply stood in front of him. She even had the chance to run, and yet she still stood up to him.

Watching him stand up in front of her, she began to realize how much taller he was than her. Her head stopped dead at his shoulder. Lifting her head to continue to glare at his eyes, she crossed her arms over her chest. Huffing sharply he tapped the tip of his gun against her forehead, not really surprised when she didn't even flinch. Another growl however did rise up from her chest and it almost sent him laughing again.

" Well what the hell are you just standing there for? Am I really that great of a thing to watch or are you actually starting to get bored?" That caught Vash off guard. He dropped the gun slightly, eyes widening a bit before he lowered his face close to hers, his eyes finally eye level with her. She could feel his breath against her face, so she huffed back at him, which caused him to growl at her this time.

" What the _hell_ is it with you?" Well now it was Meryl's turn to be shocked. Though it had been cold, it came out in a soft tone, as though he hadn't actually meant to ask it aloud. Her eyes widened like his and they simply stared at each other for a moment. Meryl started to open her mouth, but he moved again and she knew exactly what landed on the back of her neck to send pain reeling throughout her entire body before she passed out. _Stupid silver gun…_

_---_

Meryl let out a groan as she rolled over onto her side. Opening her eyes slowly, she sat up, reaching back to her neck to rub gently there. " Ow shit!" She cursed and bit down on her bottom lip as she let her hand drop. Looking around, she found herself inside Milly's room back in their hometown. Letting out another soft groan she pulled herself from the bed as Milly ran into the room and practically tackled her back to the bed.

" Meryl you had us so worried! You've been out for days, and we didn't know what to do! Knives and I carried you pretty much the whole way home." Meryl blinked softly. _Home? Oh yeah, I have been living with Milly and Knives ever since Father…_Sighing a little she patted her onto of her head. " I'm alright… do you know what happened?" Milly nodded and bit her bottom lip looking like she was going to fall apart again.

" You were walking down this alleyway and just as Knives and I spotted you, this huge chunk of the building came undone and hit you in the back of your neck. We thought it might have broken your neck…" Meryl stared at the bed a moment. _Blue green eyes, empty and lost… cold and painful…I could have sworn I saw him!_ Looking up at Milly, she tilted her head carefully off to one side.

" Did… Did Knives find Vash?" Milly tilted her head too. " No, he said that while we were picking you up, he moved on. Why?" Shaking her head, she stood and started down the stairs, leaving a rather shocked Milly behind. In the kitchen as expected she saw Knives staring out the window with his cold hard stare. " What color are his eyes?" Knives growled and looked over at her. " They aren't the same as mine. Not like you'll ever see them, he keeps them hidden behind glasses." Meryl growled this time, looking ready to punch him when he gave her a small shrug.

" They're a blue green aren't they?" He had been reaching for his glass when he stopped cold. The look he was giving her nearly made her crawl inside her skin. Before she could even answer him, the back of her neck sent her reeling to the floor in pain. Clenching her fists and eyes shut as tightly as she could, she let out a half scream of pain. Somewhere far away she heard a voice. Familiar and nearly frightening.

---

" Well your alive. Was kind of hoping I broke your neck." _Broke my neck? What… I don't…_ She forced her eyes open to find them seeing nothing but dark. Stiffening sharply she hissed out her breath, feeling fingers pressing into her neck. Hard, like they wanted to reach for her spine but after a moment the slowed into a soft steady massage. She realized she was lying on her side, and someone was lying behind her.

She tried to swing her elbow back, but with her neck in so much pain, he must have seen it coming. A soft chuckle came from him and he easily caught her elbow in a tight grip. She winced and relaxed, knowing she had no reason to fight at the moment. _I was dreaming… why was I dreaming that?_ Grumbling under her breath, she felt the large man shift to sit up behind her. His right hand was still on her neck, pressing and massaging gently, something she didn't think was even possible for someone like him. He seemed distracted though, still holding her elbow.

_I don't like the way he's looking at me._ Having rolled her head slightly to look at him, his eyes bore holes into her. She couldn't help but stare at him though. He was handsome, and obviously well muscled. The red coat was hanging across on the other side of the room; leaving him in complete black outfit, gun still strapped to his leg. Biting down on her bottom lip she muttered at him. " What are you staring at… where are we--- am I?"

He grinned a little, one that surprised her. It wasn't an evil looking grin, just one that an innocent boy would give, but it fell away quickly and his entire being suddenly become cold. Including the grasp he held on her arm. She shivered at the sudden change she felt in the room and he pushed her away from him both at the neck and the elbow, effectively pushing her off the small bed. She let out a small yelp but bit down on her bottom lip before anything else came out.

" I don't know what the hell I'm staring at. Maybe a puny looking under developed woman of a girl." She gapped at him before hopping to her feet, staggering for a moment. " You LOOKED at me!?" He smirked and rolled his eyes. " You're my prisoner, I can do what I want with you, though you're not even worth looking at." She screeched at him and tried to jump at him. He caught her arms easily as she tried to grab at him, looking ready to tear him apart. _She still doesn't seem to realize WHO I am._

Maybe she burned too bright too fast, or she just couldn't handle the insults after taking such a whack to the back of her head, but stopped and stared at him, almost softly for a moment. " Your really Vash The Stampede aren't you?" He growled and looked ready to push her away, but suddenly the resistance of holding her away from him stopped and she fell down to the bed unconscious, her legs curled under her resting on the floor. Grumbling sharply at the woman next to him, he released her arms and got up from his side of the bed, just leaving her half on the bed and on the floor.

He groaned softly and ran his fingers through his un-spiked hair. _Why the hell do I do this? She's like every other human. Weak and pathetic, unable to live alone… she was traveling with my brother and his new 'wife'. My god how could he marry one of these things!?_ He stared down at the small woman not to far from him and stuck out his tongue slightly. " Gross…" Flopping into a chair, he grinned happily as he reached over the table to grab a donut. " I guess they have their good sides."

He nearly dropped the donut from his mouth as the woman gave a moan and tried to roll over. Blinking softly as he stared at her, she stared to roll off the bed and moments later there was a resounding 'thud' as she landed there. He snorted a laugh before she whimpered and moved her head to one side, which left a very sickening crack as she did so. Rolling his eyes slightly, he stood and reached down. Picking her up with easy, he placed her completely back on the bed. " Stupid girl." _Think I might have hit her a little too hard. There is a reason I left her alive, much less am dragging her around. Until I find that, she isn't going anywhere. Once I find my answer, then I can kill her._ Snorting softly he nodded. " I need to know… why…"

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	3. Heart

**Every Heart For Years**

**Chapter 2 – Heart**

Courage, a small word for something that's practically invisible and impossible to point out. Life is dear, that's why we have the will to survive no matter what happens to us. Whether we lose those close to us, or we are faced with certain death. Courage is something that everyone holds inside of them. It's something that born inside everyone, however it us that have to learn to use it.

It's hard, that's why most people prefer to look the other way when someone else is in trouble. " It's not right to stick your nose in other people's business." Is that true… or is it because we're afraid to lose our own life while trying to save another? For some people it's not even a question and they'll jump right in, but every year that number grows fewer and fewer. Why? I don't even know that answer.

Sometimes though, those 'heroes', they just can't find the courage inside of them anymore. The wonderfully nice personalities get used, abused and sadly, they end up dying on the inside. People prey on their courage and use them for their own selfish reasons, and in the end, doesn't matter whether physically or not, but they kill them. Our faults, because we can't find our own courage to save ourselves, however when there are no more heroes to help us…

What **then**?

----------

Meryl whimpered softly, feeling the pain in the back of her neck throbbing. Each jolt of the thomas below her sent pains straight through her back into her neck. She had woken up on the bird; when the last thing she remembered was jumping across the bed towards the Typhoon who practically declared he stripped her down to judge her body. Snorting softly she leaned back only to look up into the yellow sunglasses.

" Shit." He grinned down at her before pushing her off his chest, which she had landed on when she went to lean back. Sure she had been lying on him while she slept, but now that she was awake he wanted no part of her touching him. Though parts of her screamed to try and jump off the overgrown bird, she knew better already. With her neck in bad shape and her mind fuzzy, he'd catch her. Besides, even if she could run, he'd easily take her down with one shot.

" Shit? You say that a lot." She blinked and glared over her shoulder at him, noticing he was still staring at her. " You're a rather bitchy one aren't you?" Growling she tried to turn herself around to grab at his neck, but he simply reached over and grabbed both her wrists. " Sit straight and still already. Geez I was just kidding." She nearly sputtered at the words that just spilled from his mouth. " Kidding!?"

He laughed and shrugged, releasing her wrists. " Okay fine, you are bitchy… happy now?" _Oh my… is he messing with my head!? He almost sounds… nice!?_ She rolled her eyes after a moment, crossing her arms over her chest, sitting straight up to make sure she wasn't touching him. _How the…?_ She whimpered slightly. This man was confusing. After a moment he growled and stopped the thomas, sliding off the back and suddenly grabbed her around the waist pulling her off.

The look on his face told her that he was mad. Though mad at what or about what, she couldn't place it. As light as she was though, he lost he balance and they both ended up lying in the sand next to each other, his glasses falling from his face as well. She blinked at him as a strange look crossed over his face. A look like he was being torn apart on the inside. Growling sharply he jumped up and glared down at her. _I will not go back to… to that!_ " Stay there, we're going to camp here for the night."

Meryl was lost. One minute he was acting like a complete, but almost sweet idiot, and the next he looked like he wanted to tear her open inside out. Mumbling under her breath, she simply crossed her arms and leaned against the rock behind her. _This is so stupid, I could run and he knows it. It's like he…_ " You trust **me** to stay **here**?" She purposely strained her words, causing him to look at her. He looked confused, gapping a moment before looking away. Reaching down, he grabbed his sunglasses and put them back on, despite how dark it was.

" First of all, if you were going to run you would have done so **quietly**, and second, chances are I'd hear you anyway and I'd shoot you, and I think **you** know that." She clenched her teeth in anger as he mocked her, with a grin on his face as he went back about making up the camp. Closing her eyes, she tried everything she knew to get her boiling blood down to a normal simmering pissed state. It wasn't working.

---

After awhile of silence between the two of them, she started to feel awkward about it. In a strange way, she'd rather have him talking to her than be so silent and… mysterious. _Oh come on… like he isn't already? The most you know about him is he killed millions of people and he has mood swings worse than a woman on her period._ She grinned a little at the thought, before opening her eyes. Blinking a moment, she found herself staring straight into soft looking blue green eyes.

As much as she wanted too, and even though she knew it was him, she couldn't tear her eyes away. At that moment, any traces of an evil man-killing machine were gone. Pained eyes stared at her, lost and confused. And yet they held a bit of curiosity. However the moment didn't last long. She let out a squeak and let her hands fly. They landed on his chest, in an attempt to push him away. He didn't budge but instead reached out and grabbed her hands, holding them firmly yet much different than before. No pain coursed through them and she found herself staring at him, a blush starting to form on her face.

" Why?" His voice matched his eyes, and she wondered if he even realized she was staring right back at him. " Why what?" He frowned and let go of her hands, flopping down Indian style in front of her. His gaze was staring to un-nerve her as she reached up slowly to brush her bangs from her face. " Why are you…?" She tilted her head a bit in question and he simply stuttered for a moment before adjusting himself so his back faced her, towards the fire. She growled and started to reach for his neck again. " You're driving me nuts!"

He gave a soft laugh, making her stop again before she realized what was in front of her face, backing down a little so she wasn't staring straight into the gun once again, she crossed her arms across her chest. " If I didn't know any better, I'd say you have no heart." The comment made him stiffen sharply. Putting the gun back where it belonged he twisted himself back to face her, eyes looking like they were on fire.

" Would it even matter? I have my life, you **had** yours… what in the hell does having a heart have to do with this?" She blinked and opened her mouth, before sighing and shrugging. " I didn't mean literally. Everyone has a heart, yours is just black." He growled and leapt at her. One strong hand made it around her neck and tightened almost to the point where he cut off her breathing… almost. _Obviously telling him the truth bothers him…_

He clenched his free hand for a few seconds before his voice came out dark and cold as when she met him. " Why don't you look at yourself? Not everyone is perfect. Just because I chose to live my life this way doesn't mean **I'm** the evil one." She stared at him before giving a snort, loosening her neck a little from his grip. " No, taking lives is wrong. You have no right!" He didn't tighten his grip, just shoved her harder into the rock behind her. " Don't ever say that again." Releasing her neck, he took a step back while her hands reached up to her sore throat, rubbing it a few times.

" I can say what I want. But something tells me… you weren't always like this, were you?" He ignored the question, moving next to the fire and ran his gloved hands through a few things before finding what he was looking for. Tossing her a piece of stale and very dry bread, he went back to digging in the bag. Catching it, she stuck her tongue out for a moment, before nibbling on it. " You had a heart. A good one." He simply grumbled at her as he held out his left hand towards her. " Give me your wrists."

_Maybe I went to far, I'd rather have him a stupid joking idiot than this._ Groaning slightly, she held up her wrists and he tied them tightly. Flinching as the rope literally started to cut into her skin, she watched him tie the end to his wrist. " I don't **trust** you. I **trust** no one." Frowning a little she went back to nibbling the stale bread as he lied down in front of her, closing his eyes.

---

Morning went by rather fast for her. She felt like she had only gotten a few moments of sleep before he was pulling her up by the rope, which cut a little further into her skin. He seemed to notice she was bleeding but didn't say anything as he left her tied, even as he got her up on the thomas. She groaned inwardly. _This is the last thing I wanted to do today. _

Unlike the last two days, she had seen him with his hair in an untidy mess, which she found to be kind of attractive, but now he had spiked it back up, covered his eyes with his glasses and he truly looked the part of the demon killer. For some reason she was far more pissed at him than she would have thought. Both went through the day just muttering under their breaths about how the other was far more than just an annoyance. However when night fell and he tugged her off the thomas by the rope, she gritted her teeth and tugged back, which wasn't the smart idea, already having the ropes ripping her skin open.

" Stop pulling me around like I'm an animal!" He grumbled at her and grabbed her forearms, reaching down with his free hand to untie the rope. Instead of letting go like she thought he would, he simply pulled her down to the ground and held her wrists out in the moonlight. Tilting his head back and forth a few times he reached into the bag beside him and pulled out several supplies, and much to her delight, bandages were apart of that.

He didn't spend long on each wrist, but he was gentle again. She kept her mouth shut, not wanting to try and take care of her wrists by herself. Once he finished, he still hadn't muttered a word at her. He was still mad, she could feel the waves of hatred pouring off of him. And most of her felt guilty, knowing most of it was towards her.Why though she'd never figure that out, at least not at the moment. Grumbling under her breath, she uttered something along the lines of a thank you before separating herself from with a few feet of distance.

" Sit next to me." She blinked and glanced over at him. His voice had been gruff, but it was soft again and she smiled slightly and crawled over to sit next to him. He laid back to let his eyes rest on the sky, and before long, she heard a soft snoring sound coming from him. Reaching over carefully, she removed his glasses to find his eyes indeed closed. Placing the glasses off to the side and out of harms way, she looked down at him. _Broom-headed idiot…_

Smiling a little more, she reached and brushed the bangs hanging over his face. " I think I was wrong. It's not that you lost your heart… you buried it." She hadn't even realized her fingers trailing down the side of his face. Blushing a little she jerked her hand back and laid down next to him, facing her back towards him. _Stupid stupid stupid!_

_----------_

Yes I know Meryl may be a bit OOC, but at the moment Vash isn't who he was in the anime so she has reason to not act the same. Anyway still don't own Trigun, but maybe someday.


	4. Past

**Every Heart For Years**

**Chapter Three – Past**

The soul… some say it's different than the heart. Some say, the soul is the heart… the being that creates **us**. Or if you ask a scientist, they claim that it's the brain that makes us who we are. However, both are wrong. In a way, no one is created by his or her heart, or mind for that matter… it's their past that creates them. Before anyone jumps at me… really think about that one for a moment.

Say your father dies when you're at the age of seven. That affects you and your relationships around you. It could completely change your path in life depending on your feelings about it. You could go down a new path, instead of the one he forced you down, or you could dedicate your life to him. Many things change who we are, but it's the past that makes us today.

For us humans, it's simple I suppose. We live such short lives in the entire scheme of time. About one hundred years is nothing in time. Some of us try and live our lives to the fullest. Some of us just waste our lives, not caring what could happen tomorrow. But have you ever grown tired? So tired your soul feels completely drained? Nothing matters anymore, no one either.

Maybe it's the fact we know we're going to die, mostly of old age than anything else. Most of us care enough to try until we can't try anymore. Life itself has a soul… our children, our parents… the things that are important to us, they make the soul of us, the past makes who we are, but what if the past haunts you?

What if the past is the reason… you have no soul?

---

Meryl awoke feeling desperate. Like she was alone… completely alone. Not a soul in the world existed. Sitting up, she found it was still dark. Glancing over at the fire, all that was left was very small red embers and a small trail of smoke leading to the clear sky. That's when it hit her. She looked to her left, to find herself alone… in the middle of the desert. _He… he left me… alone out here?_

For some odd reason, it bothered her. She had been traveling with the Typhoon for about three months, still never seeing the sight or sounds of a town nearby, and yet he always seemed to disappear. At first, he'd tie her up. To a large rock or something heavy enough that she'd never be able to pull. However after about two weeks of that, and certain that she had no idea where they were, he stopped tying her wrists. He insisted that it was never because he trusted her, only the fact if she wandered off; she'd more than likely die.

Living with the Humanoid Typhoon wasn't as bad as she thought it'd be. At times he could certainly be moody, she could say one thing and he'd take it in another direction completely. They'd fight, bicker, and whine at each other, but before long he was back to an odd sort of personality. An almost happy look in his eyes when he spoke to her, and somehow that gave more reason to stick around him. The more she was around him, the happier she felt.

She knew better than to trust him though. He was still after all a very dangerous man after all. Why he was so dangerous, or why he did kill so many people at a time he hadn't told her yet. At times, when he was staring at the fire, he'd tell her stories of his past. A few of them being of his brother Knives, or how they weren't human. Even a little into the power they possessed. It didn't really surprise her, remembering the state Knives had come with when he was handed over to Milly.

Most of the time however she wondered how an idiot like him could really take so many lives. The same idiot that left her here out here… alone. Sure he was known for disappearing in the middle of the night, usually to get supplies however this time it was different. She _felt_ it. Something she noticed had been growing over time the more she hung around Vash. Her mind felt open and at times she could swear she could hear him thinking things when his face scowled over.

At first she thought she was just losing it, but as time went on, it didn't go away. It grew stronger and she remembered the night he snapped at her when she tried to hone in on his thoughts. _" It's not smart to pry into things people don't want you to know."_ Okay in a way he was hiding something, and she wanted to know. She wanted to… help him. Even though he killed Wolfwood… even though he was probably the most dangerous and ruthless man alive. She still wanted to help him. However telling him that wasn't an option.

Even though he told her not to, she tried anyway. Closing her eyes, and placing her index and middle fingers over her temples, she stretched her mind, and in a way, tried to _feel_ him. What she got however was not what she was used to. The pain that surged through her body, it wasn't hers and it took her mind a moment from the shock to realize that it was coming from him. Something was horribly wrong.

Standing to her feet, she swayed slightly but stood her ground for a moment. Trying to just lightly touch his mind instead of finding it, the dull ache pounding in her head told her part of the reason was he was drunk. But it was more than that as well. Eventually she connected enough to get a general direction, she stared out at the blank desert a moment before sighing. _I'm going to kill him. Simple as that._

_---_

The walk wasn't actually all that long. Within the hour she found herself peering out at a small town. Most of the lights were off, save for the bar and few random houses here and there. For a moment, her mind told her this would be the perfect time to escape. To get free and back to Milly and Knives, she could easily tell them what happened. She could even do her best to map out a route if she could find out what name this town was.

But that was all it was. A moment, deep down inside she knew she couldn't leave. She wasn't afraid of him looking for her, yelling at her for leaving. Deep down…_ I'm afraid he won't._ She groaned weakly, smacking her hand over her face. She would never admit that to him, or hell… even Milly. Torn in half, between the truth and the lie, she told herself the lie was better. Even still, she made her way towards the bar.

Stepping inside the bar, the sight in front of her nearly made her scream. Blood coated the walls and ran in streaks across the floor from random bodies loaded with bullets. Gagging slightly, she closed her eyes, placing her hands firmly over her eyes. Sinking down to her knees, she shook softly. She hadn't seen something so horrible since her father's death, images flying through her mind. _I… I can't feel my body._

A few tears escaped her eyes, trailing down her still slightly healing forearms. She didn't even notice the pair of strong arms lifting her, carrying her out into the fresh air. She didn't notice until she heard a grunting sound from the chest her head was pressed against. Gathering herself together, she moved her hands away just enough to look up into the sharp sea-green eyes of Vash. This time it was him who suddenly sank to the ground, letting out a few more grunts as she landed in his lap, his back pressed against a nearby wall.

" You… you killed them!?" In the time she had been with him, she was positive he hadn't killed anyone. _Foolish… thinking he would just stop killing because you showed up._ He growled through his slightly drunken stupor and pulled his arms away from her. Across her blouse were dots of blood. Blinking a few times, she took a good look at him. Even in the weak light, she could see trails of a darker red down his jacket. Frowning softly, she reached out and touched his chest softly.

" I… I…" He had closed his eyes as she touched his chest; flinching in the pain even the simple touch gave him. _Tried to dull the pain with alcohol… such a male._ She rolled her eyes softly, she helped him up slowly, with him hissing in pain most of the way. It had been a short journey to a house. Knocking softly, she waited before opening the door. Helping him into a bedroom, she checked the rest of the house, not really surprised to find it empty.

Returning the room she had laid him down in, she stripped him of his coat and shirt. _… So… So many scars!!_ She gapped down at his chest, running her fingers over a large old looking scar before snapping out daze. He was mumbling softly at her, nothing coherent or specific as she dressed his wounds. She wasn't surprised that shortly after she was done that he passed out.

---

Vash groaned painfully. His muscles were sore, feeling like someone was pulling them in opposite directions, and his head pounded from the drinking he had did to help relieve the pain. Opening his eyes slowly, he tried to focus on something… anything, but his head was too busy spinning. As he tried to sit up, he found himself weighted down. Not horribly heavy, just certainly sure the weight didn't belong to him. Forcing his eyes back open, he focused on a mass of white, cream, and soft raven black.

The shock nearly caused his eyes to focus alone. _What the…?_ Lifting his sore arm slowly, he saw it bandaged and clean. Gently he brushed his fingertips over her cheek, which caused her to groan and mumble and then crawl closer to his body. Most of her chest was draped over his and her face must have been snuggled into his neck most of the night. Sighing softly, he leaned his head back into the pillow, unconsciously letting his fingers bury themselves into her hair, stroking her slightly.

Meryl mumbled and tried to snuggle into the hard mass beneath her, however it didn't really work too well. Her eyes shot open as soon as they felt fingers tangling into her hair, almost like petting her while she was lying there on top of… _VASH!?_ She shoved herself up, not even remembering falling onto the bed, much less on top of him. The walk must of tired her out a lot more than she had thought. Lifting her eyes to his face, she found the common smirk and chuckle erupting from him.

She blushed furiously, looking like she was ready to hit him from not waking her, but she held her hands clenched to the bed while she tried to think of something to say to him. However he seemed to have his mind completely back in check even with his massive headache. " You took care of me." His voice was soft, and even grateful. She blushed a little more, before hardening over after a moment, glaring at him. " You killed them."

The look that crossed over his face wasn't something she had seen before. He looked away from her, out the window with a heavy sigh before shaking his head. " No they shot each other trying to kill me." She shifted, trying to think why anyone would kill him, and he read her mind almost perfectly. " I do have a good six billion double dollars on my head you know. I didn't shoot anyone…"

Letting her eyes fall back down on him, she sighed softly. " Sorry I…" He waved her voice off with his hand, taking a moment before looking over at her. " I'll tell you… when I'm ready okay?" She blinked and tilted her head a moment before he took a sharp breath, forcing himself to sit up. " That's what you prodded into my mind for. You said I buried my heart… you prodded into my mind to find out if it was true."

She groaned inwardly. _He heard me…_ Smirking up at her, he poked her stomach softly. " Yes… I heard you." She opened her mouth before staring at him. Shrugging a little he looked out the window. " I've never had anyone pick up on talents from me before. Then again, you're probably the only human that's been around me longer than five minutes." She flinched at the statement, dropping her gaze down to the ground. She then muttered four words she swore she never thought would have come out of her mouth.

" You left me… alone." She didn't know how the pain from deep inside found it's way up to her voice, but it caught his attention. His head snapped back towards her, his eyes looking like he wanted to kill her for her words before he suddenly seemed to realize what she meant. Opening his mouth, he couldn't find any words for her. _Damnit, I said I wouldn't go back! I swore!_ But as much as he didn't want it, she was changing him.

He was torn between throwing her out of the room and leaving her completely alone permanently, or to pull her towards him. The past two months had been trying on him. Even with her temper towards him, she followed him almost willingly. _Almost? Wrong… she followed you **willingly **last night._ Groaning slightly, he scratched the back of his head. She noticed him deep in thought and she moved to stand. His arm shot out and held her in place while he seemed to think hard, trying to bring up words that belonged.

Meryl simply grumbled while he held her in place. She had learned long ago to fight his grip generally ended in a fight and him closing up on her. After a moment though he let out a few mutters and released her arm, and she rubbed at the spot as though it had been sore. He sighed and stared straight at her, causing her motions to stop and freeze as she stared back at him. " You look familiar… you look like _her._"

Blinking a few times, she tilted her head. _Her? Oh… of course I would._ He sat up and almost laid a glare on her. " Of course? How do you even know what I'm talking about?" Meryl hissed and turned her back to him, crossing her arms over her chest while she tapped her fingers on her forearms, trying to find a way to explain what she meant. Not long afterwards she felt a mild pain, as though someone was sticking a pin into her brain slowly. Whirling around, she glared down at the blond before reaching out and slapping him across the face.

She would have preferred hitting his body, but she had spent so much time bandaging it, she didn't want to ruin them. " You don't want me in your brain so **STAY** out of mine!" She growled at him as he rubbed his face. _That's the second time she's done that… stupid bitch._ He rolled his eyes before copying her and crossed his arms over his chest. She watched his eyes become guarded and sharp, staring at the wall instead of her now.

Meryl stood there for a moment, trying to decide if storming out on him and finding a way out of the town to her freedom would have been better, or to watch the brooding broom-head in front of her mutter about how she was nothing but an annoyance. Most of his words hurt her; even though she knew her temper was very hard to stand. He was the first to say it aloud and not care about any consequences that came with it. After a moment she sighed painfully and let her arms drop. She still went with her better idea. Lie over truth… at least for now.

" If you said I look like _her_, the obviously I would, otherwise you wouldn't say it!" She raised her brow, the logic making sense. His eyes turned to her, looking rather unbelieving at her a moment before he grunted at her and looked back at the wall. " You look like her but you are certainly nothing like her." _Why I outta…_ She growled and before she could slip up again, she stormed out the door, effectively slamming it behind her.

---

It felt like days, but simply a few hours later of not moving, Vash started to feel his muscles bunching and cramping from the same position since she had left. The simple thought of those he had lost so far into the past pained him deeply. Thoughts he had pressed into the back of his head until he didn't think of them at all. This was more than he imagined. Just by taking this woman with him, she reminding him constantly now of all the pain he went through to get to this point.

Just as he sat up, pushing to take his time, the short woman pushed the door open carrying a tray in one hand. Placing the tray down on the stand next to the bed, his nose told him what his heart had already hopped. A thick and delicious looking stew and off to the side were two donuts. It hadn't taken her long to pick up that he would have lived on donuts if it had been completely possible.

The silence normally wouldn't bother him, except for the fact she was never quiet. Well, deathly quiet anyway. When he looked up from his half eaten donut it was then he realized she had left. For her to sneak out that well over creaking boards and squeaky hinges was a feat he didn't think she contained within that small body of hers. Placing the rest of his food off to the side, he forced himself up. It was painful, but only for a moment. What bothered him more was the dizziness that came with the pain. Grunting ruefully, he pulled his door open.

The house was plain, like most. Probably just a husband and wife, either with no children or more likely an elderly couple. He padded into the living room, the dark blue against cream barely catching his sight. He stopped and tilted his head before sighing. Rubbing his hand over his face he moved to stand behind her. Her eyes were stuck on the sky, glazed over and looked as far away as the stars were. Even him clearing his throat didn't catch her attention.

Kneeling down in front of her, he started to reach out to her but stopped mid way between them. _Going soft already?_ He grimaced; the obvious excuse came into mind. _Better to be gentle than to be rough and smacked._ Using his thumb and index finger, he caught her chin and slowly nudged her face to look at him. She stared at him as blankly as she had been towards the stars, before clearing the daze from her eyes with a few blinks.

With his hand so close, she blushed deeply and ran her fingers through her hair, but didn't push his hand away from her face. Simply and gently as she could, she pushed the question he resented most. " What happened to you?" The fact he could be this gentle with so much blood on his hands… something had to have happened to him. Deep inside though, her memory already knew, but only parts. She wanted to know what happened.

He groaned but didn't push the question away. He was in too much pain as it was; he didn't want her bugging him to tell her when they started traveling again. Moving his hand from her chin, he grasped her hand and led her to the couch. Folding himself down onto it slowly, he tugged her to sit down next to him. " I'm not human as you know. I'm… old. About one hundred and thirty… two I believe."

---

_" Vash… Vash come over here!" Knives snickered and pointed to a butterfly fluttering from flower to flower. Vash clambered over a rock and leaned over his brother's shoulder. Behind them, a young woman with long black hair smiled softly over the two. " That's a butterfly Knives. It drinks nectar to survive. It also helps create new flowers." Vash whirled around to face the woman, a huge smile planted on his face._

_" Your favorite… it's the red flower right Rem?" She giggled and nodded. " The geranium. Its red color is also connected with determination. Although I love all flowers, geraniums are my favorite." Rem dazed off for a moment, staring out over the multi-colored field. " I always have loved flowers… my sister…" She giggled and shook her head. " She loved the oceans." Pointing down at Vash's eyes she smiled softly. " She would have loved your eyes. The color of the ocean…"_

_Vash tilted his head a little in confusion. " You have a sister? Where is she?" Rem lost her smile a moment before smiling weakly at the boy. " My sister and I are kind of like you and Knives. We're twins… almost. We don't look completely the same. Marina she's… she's here." Vash blinked before his eyes light up. " She's one of the frozen?" Rem opened her mouth to reply before Knives came running up. " The doctor says it's time for the check up!"_

_---_

_Vash stared out over all the dead bodies in front of him. All of them from the frozen capsules containing the sleeping people who would become the seeds of the new chosen planet. In the middle of them all, stood Darien… a crazed look over his face. Turning slowly, he faced the boy before moving towards him in slow and frightening steps. Vash backed up into the door, trying to force his brain to catch up._

_---_

_" Rem!? No Rem you can't leave us!" Knives screamed over his brother, who clutched the bleeding woman to his chest. Knives shook with rage over the fact someone had the guts to shoot the gentle woman, but grabbed his brother, dragging him reluctantly__ away from the dying woman. Rem smiled sadly as she watched the brothers pull themselves into an escape pod. Knives smashed the panel, locking the door before his brother could force the door open. " NO REM!"_

_---_

_Vash stared blankly at the sandy ground beneath him while Knives stood next to him, watching several ships crash into the ground, or burn in the sky. It seemed like forever, but he eventually he kneeled down next to his crying brother, who suddenly stiffened and looked up to the sky. " They all need to die. I'll kill them all." Knives simply nodded before grabbing his brother's hand. " I agree."_

_---_

_Vash stared down at his bleeding brother, who stared back with pleading eyes. " Don't leave me here Vash, they'll kill me." Grunting down at his brother, Vash crossed his arms, watching the shadows slowly approaching the broken down building. " You're a weak link brother… I will finish off the race without you." With that, he turned his back and disappeared from view._

_---_

Meryl wasn't sure what to say. The look of murder that had come across his face frightened her. Truly and deeply, the idiot broom head she had spent time around was gone. The recollection of his past suddenly seemed to harden his resolve. Standing without a flinch or a hiss of pain he wandered over to his coat. Tilting her head a little, Meryl herself slowly forced herself to her feet as well. After a moment Vash slowly faced her, raising his gun towards her. Her stomach and heart fell away with his words.

" Humans kill each other. I loved her… I loved Rem. You all deserve to die… you look just like _her_." He hissed at her like she was the ugly thing he had detailed in his past. Meryl started to open her mouth, but it was cut short by the pain that suddenly ripped through her.

He didn't **just** shoot her… with that, he shot her heart.

-----

Yes yes I know, much of his past was 'flashy' from scene to scene and I want it to be that way. Everything will be revealed in time of course. I couldn't help but leave off with a cliffhanger too. R&R… it'll make me update faster. Plus I kinda rewarded you... this chapter is like.. twice as long as most of my chapters!


	5. Dreams

**Every Heart For Years**

**Chapter Four – Dreams**

Have you ever wondered where pain comes from? Sure, if you get down to it, all it really is are nerves. But how come when someone hurts you… you cry? It hurts in another way. Your chest feels like it caves in… your brain can't think straight. Your eyes get misty and watery. Your body freezes. Your heart turns to glass and shatters into thousands of tiny slivers that slide through your veins, cutting you from the inside. It's a different kind of hurt when someone betrays you. But does it still count as pain?

Love can do a lot to a person, but for a lot of us, we have to go through tremendous amounts of pain before that right person comes along. Most people can say it's worth it. That being completed by that one person is worth it, while a few others who never found that person say it was a waste of their life looking for it. It's a war really. A war that rages in your heart, the need to complete oneself… and like me, I don't find it to be worth it. But like I said you don't get to pick. Sometimes life just does things without your mind telling you.

The biggest problem with that, is trying to admit it to yourself… and then telling the person you care for most. It could quite possible be the worst kind of pain to go through, finding that person you love doesn't love you back. Laying your heart on the line, and praying it doesn't get run over. Only thing is, once you find that person that really truly completes you…

Can you live without them after they betray your heart?

---

Meryl's mind was white. Nothing made sense as much as she tried to put it together. _Vash… gun… pain… white… more pain_. She tried to wake up, but find herself almost pushed back down. Further and further into the white gap in front of her. Inwardly sighing to herself, she finally released her hold and let herself be pushed into her memories… her dreams.

---

_" Hurry up sissy! We're going to be late for school." A little girl with black hair waved drastically at her sister not too far away who was pulling on her jacket. Reaching out quickly she grabbed her sister's hand and ran with her through the field of flowers that was on the edge of the ocean towards the road. Their mother and father stood watching the girls hurry towards the bus. " They're getting so big so fast."_

_The man nodded and leaned down kissing his wife's cheek, watching the look of worry as she watched the younger girl keep up with her sister. " She's fine sweetheart. She came back to us unhurt." His wife let out a small sob and looked up at him. " But why… why did they take her in the first place? No ransom note, no phone call… nothing for a month straight. Why return her? And what do the letters they burn onto her shoulder mean!?"_

_He sighed and shook his head gently. " I don't know. All I need to know is that she's healthy and safe at home." His wife stared up at him softly before kissing him lightly, tugging his hand back towards the house as the girls climbed onto the bus. " It's a shame Earth won't be like this for much longer…. I was praying they would get to see the world at it's best… nothing lasts forever." She smiled sadly before sighing herself. " Come dear, it's almost time for work."_

---

Meryl shot up from the bed, eyes wide open and for a moment, still saw nothing but white. Her vision suddenly crashed back to her as well as a searing pain through her left and right side. She fell back onto the bed, trying to raise her hands to her face, vaguely feeling sweat running down her face. The pain that raced through her body both inside and out told her that this wasn't a dream._ But what a weird dream I was having..._

At that moment, Milly threw the door open and stood there for a moment gapping at Meryl as though she had just risen back from the dead. She could tell she was resisting the urge to throw her arms around her and hug her to death as tears formed in the taller woman's eyes. " We thought we were going to lose you!" Yup, that's Milly for sure. Smiling the best she could towards the woman she waved off the effects of her dream mentally.

" It's nice to see you too Milly… how long have I been out?" Milly seemed to gather herself into order and pulled a chair up next to her bed. Letting Milly grab her hand, she gave a small squeeze to let her know she wasn't dreaming either. They were so close after everything they had been through. A sister in a way, and as dense as Milly could be, there was no one she really would have rather woken up to.

" Well about four months ago you disappeared from August when Vash kidnapped you. We hadn't heard anything in so long and Knives couldn't sense where his brother was… we were afraid he had killed you and just left you in the middle of the desert. However about a week ago we came into this small village called Amber and I insisted that we rest and get checked up by a doctor like always."

Meryl tilted her head a little, and Milly grinned down at her. " The doctor must have been taking awful good care of you. He said you had pretty much been in a coma for two weeks straight… said The Humanoid Typhoon shot you. You hadn't really improved either from when he found you… he said it was a possibility you may never wake up." A fearful look crossed over Milly's face before she smiled brightly. " Are you hungry?"

For a moment Meryl felt lost. _He really… shot me. All because I look like her…?_ Instead of her sides shooting up with pain like they had been, it suddenly seemed dull. Her hands wanted to grasp at her chest and she shut her eyes tightly. Such pain ripped through her heart, something she had never quite felt so strongly before. Sure… it happened years ago, on more than one occasion but still, it was much worse than what she could ever remember.

Seeing Meryl closing her eyes, Milly stood and waved her arms above her head while she spoke at her, something she couldn't really focus on. The tall woman left the room shortly afterwards, which gave Meryl a little relief. Forcing her eyes open, she looked out the window before she tried to reach out for his mind. All she could pick up was that he was alive… and very far away from her. _He tried to kill me…_

---

Milly returned a short time later, to find Meryl fast asleep again. Placing a tray of food on the stand next to her, she also left a little medication the doctor had given her for the pain incase she needed it when she woke up again. Making her way back down the stairs, she spotted her husband sitting at the kitchen table. Sitting down across from him, she tilted her head and stared at him until she had his attention.

" He kept her alive for so long… for no real reason at all. There are no signs that he tortured her, and I doubt he kept her around for the fact that she slightly resembles Rem. He's forced his memories of her down to the bottom of his empty soul… I don't get it." Milly sighed and leaned forward. " I don't know… maybe Meryl is special to him?" Knives glanced towards his wife, almost wanting to laugh at her for a moment.

" You know… I could almost laugh at that, he hates humans… like I did. I never thought I'd… fall in love, much less with a human. And yet I did, but I'm not so sure he's capable of that type of love anymore. He loved Rem and she died. I think he forgets though… she was as much human as everyone he intends to kill. Or maybe he just sees it that it'd be better to wipe the rest of them off if Rem of all people died so… painfully."

Milly flinched and sighed. " I don't care. He did try to kill her in the end… but he didn't. Meryl's strong she wouldn't give up… She's safe now and that's all that matters. We'll take good care of her." Knives gave her a distracted nod before glancing over at her. " I want you and her to stay here while I go back out looking for him. I don't want him getting a hold of you like he did her." The was a slight pain in his voice as he watched her stand and move into his lap.

" As much as I'd like to say no, I think it might be a good idea. Meryl won't be going anywhere for a few months at least with her injury and I don't want you to stop looking for him if that's what you really want." Smiling a little, she leaned down and kissed his cheek. " Just promise me you'll take care of yourself…" Knives gave a rare smile and nodded up at his wife. " Like always."

---

It seemed like months that Meryl was required to just stay in bed, but in reality it was only days. She could barely stand at first, much less move at all, but it seemed that she was healing faster now that she was finally awake. The stitches had been removed and the doctor agreed to let both Meryl and Milly stay at his house until Meryl was well enough to work on her own. However that was still a good deal of time off, and while Milly was off working in the town, Meryl was finally allowed to move around the house a bit.

For the most part she did a little dusting and other cleaning jobs of sorts, taking long breaks in-between with either a nap or a snack. Even though she tried to stay awake, she'd often fall asleep on the couch or on the table for a few hours on end. Milly wasn't so worried about it at first, save for the fact that Meryl suddenly looked like she wasn't getting any sleep.

She seemed to be having strong dreams, often calling out for her mother or father, and a few times simply screamed herself awake for her sister. She'd wave it off, and Milly couldn't really press, never really knowing Meryl's true family. She remembered the day the Stryfe's chose to adopt the older girl. Along with the adoption came a new first name as well, and she had never bothered to ask her about her past, seeing how she'd often say she couldn't remember or just avoided the subject completely.

However what bothered Milly the most was the sudden healing that took place while Meryl slept. At first the wound looked like it was healing like it should, but the more tired Meryl got and the more she slept, the faster the wound healed. In total, the wound had completely healed itself within a month and half of the shooting and both Milly and the doctor weren't sure what to say about it, since both wounds had been so serious it really should have taken months.

" Oh come on Milly… I mean, I got this weird almost brain wave reading ability by spending four months with him, who's to say I didn't pick up some other kind of … ability?" Milly sighed and shook her head a little. " But Meryl… Knives is just like Vash and I've never gotten any abilities from being around him." Meryl hissed and threw her arms above her head. " Yes but they aren't the same person. Maybe Knives can control it since he's been around humans. I mean really… how many have lived around Vash to find out!?"

Milly seemed to take that into consideration before sighing and shrugging. " Well Knives is coming back in a few days, maybe we can figure all this out then." Meryl groaned and smacked her face before giving in. " I guess it couldn't hurt to ask." Milly nodded before watching Meryl yawn and stand up. " I'm going to go catch up on my sleep… as weird as that sounds."

---

Meryl flopped down on her bed, closing her eyes tightly. The rapid regeneration of her body could have almost bothered her… almost. Sighing softly, she relaxed and let herself drift off. Whatever sleep she had been getting, the energy must've been going to her wound because she found herself dead tired, and that seemed to go hand in hand with her dreams. She groaned at the thought of them. So mixed up… so confusing.

_Meryl shifted her weight from one leg to the other. Unlike most of her dreams which had a bases and actual people to watch or listen in on, she found herself in an odd kind of flower field, yet it was a small piece of land just floating in the sky. Around her at were other patches of land that floated as well, from a few of them rushed waterfalls more beautiful than she could have ever imagined. But she wasn't alone._

_She turned to face the far edge next to her, only partly surprised to find Vash standing there, staring off into the distance of nothing but clouds, flowers, and waterfalls. " I shot you." Meryl had to suppress the urge to scream a DUH at him, but instead put her hands on her hips. He turned to face her, a serious and hurt look on his face as his gaze fell on her. " I'm so sorry. I don't know why I…" Meryl growled and that seemed to effectively shut him up._

_" You did it all because I look like her… no other reason than that!" Even she was a little surprised at how sharp her voice had been. Letting her shoulders sag a little, as the hurt just seemed to grow more across his face she shook her head. " Vash… I, I understand I think." He looked up at her and she smiled a little, as he started to fade away. " Don't worry." He blinked and started to open his mouth before he completely faded away._

_The large smile remained planted on her face as she just continued to stare off where he had been standing." I know you can't hear me… but I think I love you. Besides… I promised… don't worry. I'll help you get better. I told her I would... I told myself I would."_

------

This chapter is sort of a filler, however the dreams are important for later on. Thank you to those of you who review often! I appreciate it soooo much! But to deathangle, I know there is a lot of stuff missing from the story but that's partly because it's an alternate universe, however this story I have a feeling is going to be a long story so just hang tight because it's going to start weaving into each other and making sense soon enough! I may yet add in the Gung ho guns and July, but I guess you gotta keep reading to find out… hehe. Anyway please R&R!


	6. Lost

**Every Heart For Years **

**Chapter Five – Lost**

Trust… such a small word with such big meanings. And everyone has his or her own definitions, which could quite possibly make it the hardest word to describe. There are many things to 'trust', like you trust your best friend will be there on time, or that your boyfriend will remember your birthday. Or maybe it's more than that. A trust that you feel could never be broken. A bond within the family between a mother and daughter, or sister and brother.

Either way you pray that trust will not be broken. For most of us, it takes a lot to give it in the first place. For trust to be thrown away, in a way… it's a blow that can cause major damage. And almost everyone could say it's happened more than once. Though some are able to forgive those who have betrayed their trust… some only because they knew it was an accident. However, the more the people betray us, the harder it gets to give it back out.

When we are children, we have no choice but to lay our trust on others shoulders. We aren't capable of living without help. And a few people eventually end that way, relying on other people completely instead of taking care of themselves. Luckily this is a small number, and we can proudly say we can take care of ourselves. But in the end, there is one question that plagues the mind.

Can we really survive without relying on at least one person?

---

The wait for Knives was actually longer than what both girls had expected. Instead of returning, like he had said in his previous letter to Milly, he sent another one shortly after. Milly flatly refused to let Meryl see it, which wasn't like the big girl's attitude at all. Meryl summarized easily that it had something to do with Vash, and later that same day overheard Milly telling the Sheriff that the townspeople should beware. The Stampede was heading back their way…

Meryl could have sworn her heart stopped for a good long moment in shock. Part of her wondered if he was looking for her, but the sensible part just laughed at her. _He shot you idiot. The only reason he'd come back is to finish the job he left behind._ Crossing her arms over her chest, she headed back towards the doctor's house. Within a few short hours, she noticed that people were boarding up their windows and doors, and as the moons started to rise into the sky, the people disappeared quickly from the streets.

Rolling her eyes a little, she knew that if Vash were serious enough, no amount of wood or stone would keep him from destroying such a small town. Running her fingers through short hair, she took in deep breaths and tried to relax her nerves. She felt so lost… she had made so many promises just to herself, especially about wanting to help Vash. But how did you help someone who simply shot you because you looked like someone he once loved dearly.

Groaning she flopped down on the bed, pulling her shirt up just a touch to examine the bullet wounds on both her left and right side. Her fingers trailed over the scars, which she had also noticed had started to fade from view. In her mind, she vaguely remembered all the scars that laced over Vash's body. _So pain in so many years… _She groaned again and threw one arm over her eyes as the other pulled her shirt back down. " A nap before dinner couldn't hurt."

---

When Meryl woke a few hours later, it was completely dark outside. The light from the moons no longer flooded into her windows, which either meant it was midnight or well after. She flinched and sat up, glancing over at the nightstand next to her where she knew Milly would have left something for her to eat. She hadn't planned on **that** long of a nap, but she couldn't help that she was still so worn out.

However something in the air was dark and heavy, almost alarming. And it just wasn't the air; it was lying heavily on her mind too. It took her a moment before she finally slid off the bed and padded quietly to the room across the hall. Inching the door open slowly, she saw Milly asleep with her chest taking deep breaths and small murmuring sounds emerging from the woman's throat.

_Okay… so it's not coming from there._ She scratched the back of her head before heading back into her room, pulling out a derringer from a shelf that Milly had placed them in when they found her. She sighed and shook her head, staring down at tiny gun beforeputting it back. _Paranoid Meryl… god that's what they'll call me._ She muttered under her breath before turning out her room and started for the stairs walking as quietly as she could.

It felt weird inside her head. Like someone was using her to see their own path, like... she wasn't the only one using her eyes. Heading down the stairs slowly, she glanced around the dark room, unsurprised by the fact that she could actually see rather well in the dark. All of her instincts pulled her towards the front door, and as much as common sense told her to run the other way, she started towards the door. The closer she got, the weaker she felt her muscles become. Reaching for the doorknob sent a shiver of pain shoot through her body.

" _Don't!_" She nearly fell back by the sense of urgency that was laced through the thought that shocked her mind. Or maybe more so from the person it came from. She stared numbly at the door before muttering under her breath. " Vash…?" She shook her head and reached for the doorknob again, the feeling of sharing her mind and body suddenly fled as she opened the door. In front of her, the two twins stood. She never really realized how much they did look alike until they stood so close together.

Yet somehow Vash… he looked so vulnerable. Knives looked almost murderously towards his own brother, but Vash's eyes were locked on her. He looked torn just like he had been in the dream. Onlyfor a momenttime stood, until Knives notice what exactly his brother was staring at. He looked like he had been muted; ready to kill his brother and she interrupted the process. Vash opened his mouth to say something, but his brother's movementcut his thoughts off and he raised his gun toward his brother.

Meryl was frozen in place, lost in her own world. She knew Vash killed a lot of people, but she had seen a different side to him. Granted it wasn't the best side, but it seemed that he was slowly improving. She doubted he would have ever looked at her like that if he had never kidnapped her in the first place. Or maybe it was just all her imagination. Being so lost in her own world, eyes glazed over that she didn't even realize the two had been taking shots at each other.

That was until a bullet sailed passed her ear, just barely missing her. She let out a yelp and ducked down. It caught Vash's attention, but Knives didn't even glance in her direction. He either took her yelp to help distract Vash, or just plain didn't care. And she wouldn't be surprised if he didn't. Knives took his shot and Vash didn't have time to move, the bullet sliced cleanly through his shoulder. He didn't cry out, but it was enough to send him to his knees.

Meryl was again torn. And yet somehow that didn't matter. Her legs ran straight towards Vash, regardless of the fact that Knives was taking another shot at his brother. She fell on knees in front of him, a hand falling on his good shoulder as she leaned him back from his kneeled slouch. He was staring at her, she knew it, but she preferred to ignore the stare for the moment. She didn't need to be blushing or all caught in the moment while he was hurt.

She ran a finger near his wound and he hissed, closing his eye tight. " You're helping me…" He sounded surprised. After all he had been the one that shot her… twice. And yet it seemed to be within her mind that she didn't care. He blinked in wonder after a moment though. He **HAD** shot her, why was she able to move so freely? At a moment's notice he had completely forgotten about his brother at Meryl's intent to help him.

However Knives didn't seem to forget it. Or lose his concentration. His gun was still aimed at Vash, and of course, now Meryl. Meryl seemed to know it too, as she glanced over her shoulder at him. Knives didn't even say anything to her… he just fired. Either he had bad aim, which she doubted, or he gave her a fire warning, but she felt a sting pass through her left arm. He was shooting at her too! _My god, what is with these two!? Is it just plain fun to shoot me!?_

Meryl might have actually bitten Knives if she had been close enough, looking ready to stalk and kill. Vash was a little different… okay a lot different. However she had spent so much time around Knives already that she didn't actually think he could be THAT cold. Quite possibly worse than his brother… and yet there was something with his stance. The way he stood, held his gun… she could have pegged him to be the murderer rather than his slouched brother behind her. She moved to say something, but someone else got there right before she could say anything.

" Knives you… shot her." That caught his attention. It wasn't a question… Milly had seen it. All the words that had been Meryl's mouth just vanished. The look on Milly's face practically screamed betrayal. Knives seemed pretty stuck too, looking like a cross between a half guilty puppy, and a murderer caught in the act. And then everything crashed in on her. The last time she had seen Vash. _Vash shot her, pain in the chest, pain in the sides, sharing her body, watching Vash get shot, Knives shooting her, Milly's pain._ She could feel it all at once, even if some of the pain didn't exist anymore. It felt like someone knocked her off her feet, her head spinning worse than when Vash had hit her upside the head with his gun.

She felt herself fall, like a faint only awake at the same time. And even with his injury, he still caught her. She felt Vash's arms, she felt his pain thentoo.

---

_" Vash I'm sorry about all this." Rem muttered softly, holding the small shivering boy close to her. Vash's face was pale white, like he had seen a ghost. She could see why though, not too far from them, were several dead bodies, which she knew had been the crewmembers… one of them… father. Meryl felt like a ghost, only to realize, unlike her dreams she was there and yet… she was still only watching his memory. How, she wasn't sure how but she was._

_" It wasn't your fault Vash. I'm so sorry you had to see this. I can't believe… he'd do such a thing." The small boy looked up at Rem, eyes wide as he tilted his head. " Who?" Rem shook her head, and looked straight up at Merle, almost like… she could see her. Then again, she wasn't ready to doubt the abilities Rem seemed to have naturally as well. Even if it was just a memory._

---

Meryl's eyes shot open, not really surprised to find she didn't see any light. She sat up slowly, running her fingers through her short hair and looked up. Mildly surprised this time, she saw Vash staring down softly at her. His hand reached out, stroking her left arm where she had been shot. " You healed already. You've been sleeping for days and you…" He stopped, almost shocked to find that he was saying anything at all. Meryl shifted a little, not quite shying away from his touch.

" You left town… with me didn't you?" He only nodded and stared at the floor. She raised a hand to his bad shoulder; even it still had a little ways to go before being completely healed. She sighed softly and leaned back against the wall. His hands came up into his hair as he continued to simply stare at the ground. " I shot you… I…" Meryl did something she hadn't done in a long time. She let out a giggle. And it obviously surprised him. He looked at her, raising his brow in confusion.

After a moment, Meryl shook her head. " Rem always liked to laugh didn't she?" She looked to the ceiling as Vash stared at her in disbelief that she even knew such a thing from a person she had never met. Meryl didn't looking the least surprised. " Red flowers… even when she was no more than five. She always used to put flowers in her room." Now Vash looked completely puzzled. " And how do you know that?"

Meryl shrugged and looked over at him. " Rem had a sister… Marina." Vash just nodded before trying to figure it out himself. " Your… one of Marina's decendents?" Meryl shook her head.

" Vash… I am Marina."

---

Okay so no I didn't get another chapter up, but thank you to those who noticed I started to spell Meryl differently. It's left over from the Escaflowne days. Hehe, anyways just small edits of names, there may be one or two left over but I think I got most of them! (Don't ya love my cliffy?) Please R&R!


	7. Life

**Every Heart For Years**

**Chapter Six – Life**

Journeys. Paths… roads… they're called many things, but one thing is for sure, we all travel on one. Our lives twist, turn, collide with others, and some stay that way, while others split again and keep going. Sometimes they re-collide, and others never hear from another again. We are all looking for that special something to keep our lives going. For some it's love, others pride. Some want families… others, most, are still looking.

I'm no exception to that rule. I wander through my life wondering what it is that I'm around for. I'm sure the same thing goes the Stampede too. Though he may claim all he lives for is killing, his softer side shows that he's around for more than that. Our paths collided… stuck, twisted and parted and then slammed back together again. No reason or fault really, it's just what 'fate' has done. But that's another issue entirely.

Question **is**…

How are we supposed to know what to do with the time that's given to us?

---

Vash stared at Meryl like she had three heads or something. She expected some kind of reaction like this, and didn't say anything until he at least got his feet back on the ground. Her story… was long in a way, and yet short at the same time. Probably much like Vash's. A special story, but nothing overly interesting… at least not to her. Others might have been able to debate her on that subject.

" Meryl you _can't_ be Marina… that'd make you older than **I** am. You'd be **_DEAD_**." Meryl smirked a little at Vash and shook her head. For the most part, he was right, she was older than him. The fact she was smirking at him, only seemed to annoy him. He frowned a little and leaned back in his chair, almost glaring sharply at her. " Your trying to make a joke out of this aren't you?"

" Vash if you would _shut_ your **big** mouth for just a few **_MINUTES_**, maybe I could explain it to you hm?" Vash stared at her like she was going nuts, but shut his mouth and crossed his arms. " Fine, but I very much doubt you could prove anything." Meryl scoffed and rolled her eyes, leaning back in her own seat. " We'll see."

---

_" Marina hurries up!" A small seven-year-old Rem called across the yard at her sister, sitting on the ground with the neighbor's newborn kittens. The slightly smaller girl huffed and picked up the gray colored kitten in front of her and stood, scurrying up to her sister. " I want to ask mommy if I can have THIS one!" Rem giggled and rolled her eyes. " So long as he gets along with Bud." _

_Marina wrinkled her nose at the name of her sister's puppy. Their mother had always said that they were very much alike, and yet at the same time, they could at like… cat and dog. The two followed the street up towards their house; Marina's hand in her sister's while her free arm carried the sleeping kitten._

_As they reached their house, Rem released her sister's hand and ran into the house to inform their parents of the 'new' edition. Marina placed the kitten on the ground, which looked up at her before staring behind her. Suddenly the kitten let out a hiss and ran towards the house. Marina blinked and tilted her head, before she felt pain in her neck and knocked out._

_Rem ran out the door and stopped dead in her tracks. A man carrying her sister over his shoulder was climbing into a car. Before the car sped off, Rem let out the most horrified scream she could. " Mommy!"_

---

_Marina opened her eyes painfully, the bright light all around her hurt. Her insides hurt, like someone was boiling hot water inside of her. Almost like the time she stuck her hand in boiling water her mother had been making. The small memory caused her to try and look at her horribly scarred hand. However the scar wasn't there anymore. She blinked a little before letting a whimper of pain, as it seemed to be getting hotter inside the room. _

_She whimpered a little more, letting out what she hoped was a mommy. She must have let something out, because a moment after someone was standing over here. He scribbled something down on the paper, before pulling out a needle. Despite the bright light, she felt her eyes widen. She squirmed and tugged at the restraints on her arms, trying to avoid the needle. As it got closer, she closed her eyes tightly._

_She waited for the prick she expected to follow; however after a few moments when it didn't come, she opened her eyes slowly. It was dark out, and suddenly very cold. At least compared to what she had been feeling. After a few minutes her eyes adjusted to the light. She was sitting in front of her house. She let out a squeak, feeling her arms over. " It was just a bad dream!"_

---

_Marina tried to settle herself down to sleep. It had been seven years already since the bad dream. She was twelve now, and yet she still had bad dreams. Part of her knew it wasn't a dream. Her scarred hand had been healed, and she had odd words burned into her upper left shoulder. Her parents insisted that the dreams came when they had her hand repaired. She had believed it when she was younger but now questions were starting to pick up in her mind._

_Another fact was that when she had been younger, she had broken her arm running into the street and slide on ice, it should have taken almost a year to heal the way it had broken, but within a month it had healed like it had never been broken. After that, her parents removed her from school. The hospital was quite worried about it, even though it should have been a good thing. They had drawn her blood, and then called back shortly after they had gotten back home. Her blood, something was wrong with it, but her parents never told her what._

_Getting up, almost weakly at the thoughts going through her mind, she also noticed she seemed… older than the rest of the kids her age. She wasn't sure if it was because of her dreams, or just her, but she excelled wonderfully in school. Up until her parents removed her anyways. They had wanted to move her into her sister's grade, and perhaps even higher. A couple of kids liked to call her teacher's pet, and other mean names, but she had gotten pretty good by then at ignoring them._

_She was glad for one thing though; her sister never treated her ill. She had to admit at times their parents treated her more over better than her older sister, but Rem also realized that really in the end, the only one Marina really had was her. She relied on her even more than she did her parents. She passed her sister's room in the hall, almost drawn into the room for one of their midnight talks, but she couldn't get herself to do it. She walked the stairs at the top of the hall and sat down._

_In the silence she heard her parent's voice, along with another voice, discussing someone she wasn't so surprised about. Herself. Part of her knew better than to go off and ease drop on her parents, but she wanted to know what exactly they were hiding from her._

_" Your daughter's abduction… we're not sure what they did to her really. Her blood… technically it's dead. From the readings we got on the scans… she's not surviving on food either. I think she only eats because you make her. Her body isn't running on nutrition, it's like… she's got her very own energy core inside of her. It's almost like powering her. Of course there isn't one, we don't know how she's surviving. __Her natural abilities seem… overly enhanced. " She heard nothing from her parents for what seemed like forever._

_" Like… super strength?" She guessed the doctor shook his head, and just continued. " No, I mean… for her age her eyes are perfect compared to the fact she used to have to wear glasses. She's no longer allergic to fish, her body heals to a point her skin and bones are perfect. We found traces of a silver like substance inside her bones, only it's not… silver or any metal." Marina blinked. _I'm a bloody FREAK.

_The doctor seemed to think so too. " I want to take her to special facility. Your daughter isn't the first person they've tested on. We have several other people too. However if we don't find out how to take care of her… I'm afraid she may end up like them." Marina had enough; she stormed down the stairs and crossed her arms over her chest. " End up like what!?"_

_Her parents looked shocked that she had over-heard them, but the doctor just stood and walked towards her. " If we don't get you cured… you're going to die."_

---

_Marina grumbled under her breath, leaning against the wall of the 'church'. At least it looked like one. Instead of nuns, there were doctors, and instead of people praying, there were 'freaks' everywhere. Unlike her though, most of them seemed to be having serious reactions to their testing. For her protection however, they changed her name. She was to go by Meryl now. She didn't mind so much, she just wasn't even sure how long she'd be there. Probably for the rest of her life. And because she wasn't reacting like the others, the doctors studied her the most, trying to figure out if there was something 'special' about her that kept her from getting sick._

_It was supposed to be against the rules to keep a calendar, however Meryl didn't need one. She had been here six years already. Her parents had given her up without much of a fight, insisting that it was for her own good, but part of her knew the town was starting to get scared of her. They wanted her out. She didn't even get to say goodbye to Rem, as they had taken her away the same night that she had over heard her parent's conversation. She had watched her sister make it to the window in time to see her being driven away._

_Meryl muttered under her breath again,climbing up the wall that surrounded the church to a small alcove that let her see out over the country side.. Her once long hair was cut short, and her mostly gentle attitude had faded into almost a sour complexion. It was hard for her to try and stay happy in a place she felt she could never leave. The sick ones were dangerous when they went into fits, though she herself had very little to fear. Most wounds were superficial, and healed within hours. After six years, she didn't think they'd find anything on her to help the others. Much less that her life was in danger like the others._

_What bothered her more perhaps was the fact they never caught who was doing this. Year after year, more and more people shifted through. Mostly female, and quite a few of them children… she had seen quite a few of them die in front of her. Sometimes gruesome deaths, blood and almost boil like burns on their skin. Liking being… boiled from the inside out, at that thought, she shuddered at the pain she remembered going through her insides, despite being young at the time._

_Others passed on with no pain. They just stopped breathing. The doctors said that could happen to her. A few had shown no signs of problems and just died right off. However they weren't healing and the doctors could read on the scales that their bodies had been failing. They couldn't pick anything up on her though. A few computers had even exploded in trying to read energy levels coming off her body. _

_Quite a few times they asked her if she remembered how shegot back to her house. Being in one place at one moment and then moving all together could have been called Psychic, however Meryl believed to a point, that she had actually done something to the room she had been in. She vaguely recalled a few adults talking about scientists being killed in a building that collapsed not too far from her house. No one knew exactly what the scientists had done._

_Meryl shook her head, to clear the thoughts flowing through her mind in time to see a car approaching the church. It was rare, she had never seen a red car like this one. The doctors all drove white ones so that they knew who was coming and going. Red reminded her of Rem and the sudden drive to want to be home filled her. She bit down on her bottom lip, hopping off the side of the wall where she had been sitting to investigate._

_At the gated entrance, she spotted the car. As she approached she noticed many doctors looking very distraught and even a few were cursing. One spotted her, but instead of shooing her off like usual they did, he motioned her to come forward. As she came to a stop, her eyes landed on the woman stepping out of the car. Long black hair, older than her… by maybe two years, she was just stunningly beautiful._

_As she turned to face Meryl, her mind already knew who it was, but it wasn't until the doctor introduced the woman did she actually believe it. " Meryl I believe you remember your sister Rem… she's a doctor of sorts now too… she's come to take you." Rem just smiled brightly at her sister as Meryl stared at her in disbelief, before jumping on her sister. _

---

Vash raised his brow a little at Meryl as she stopped suddenly. " So basically you aren't even human anymore." Meryl glanced at him before raising her brow a little. " Yes… in many ways I could have defended myself against you. But I chose to be more human. After all, that's what I was born as." Vash simply snorted at her. " So Rem rescued you and then what?" Meryl twitched her nose a little and shrugged.

" She was assigned to the Seed's project. She simply put me down as part of an experiment and took me with." Vash blinked a few times. " Then how come I never saw you?" Meryl sighed and leaned her face into one palm of her hand. " I stayed out of sight mostly. Quite a few of the other doctors' thought I was 'contagious'. I did however go with Rem when they found you two. For the first few months, Rem gave you to me to take care of. Knives was a handful as it was, and as much as she wanted too, she couldn't take care of both of you at the same time and get work done."

Meryl almost laughed at the look Vash gave her. She waved it off a little as she returned to leaning back in the chair. " I also know what happened on the ship. Who beat you and Knives up… who killed most of the people in the pods… and for the longest time after we crashed, I was fulfilling a promise. One I couldn't let anyone know about. However I had to take a break from that. My body hadn't caught up to age yet. Though I was already a good hundred years, I still looked eighteen. I was 'adopted' by the Stryfe's and I decided to live my own life. Mr. Stryfe's ideas… they were so odd and yet I found I liked them."

Vash stared at her a moment, before raising his brow in question. " And what exactly were those ideas?" Meryl sighed and leaned back into the chair. " That my life was my own. I had lived most of my life belonging to someone else. Doctors, promises, things that belonged in the past… a past that I hated. I threw it all away for the chance to change." Vash frowned deeply. " You threw away a promise from Rem didn't you?" Meryl nodded for a moment before looking down.

" I found out the hard way… that no matter what happens the past is what made me who I really am. And Knives made sure I remembered that. When he showed up in our little town… beat up and bloody, it was like watching a train wreck. He wouldn't take anyone's help; he tried shooting several people including me. Even with him grown up, I knew it was him. By then I at least looked a little older, but it seemed my body-stopped aging. Kind of like you and Knives."

Meryl sighed weakly as she glanced over at Vash. " I am who I want to be. I chose who I want to be… and with seeing Knives, I realized what I really wanted was Rem back. I owed her my life from a dark dank time in my life. So when Knives married Milly… and decided to go after you, I decided I would finish what I started. I would keep my promise."

Vash leaned forward from his chair, looking torn between running away and hugging her tightly. But instead he opened his mouth to the one question she knew he'd ask. " And what promise is that exactly?"

---

_Meryl muttered curses under her breathe as she made her way from the back of the ship towards the control center. She had seen the escape pod, knowing that it must have been Vash and Knives that Rem had set off. But she knew her sister better than that. She'd want to set the dials to save the rest of the innocent people asleep in their capsules. And forfeit her life at the same time._

_She had been correct too. Meryl found her sister leaning over the controls, trying desperately to find a way to change the course of the other Seed ships. Leaning over her sister's shoulder she let out a sigh. " Rem… I'm sorry everything turned out this way… I know you've loved this experience…" It was the most she could say. Her sister wouldn't have taken anything back for the chance to do this over again. She knew it, and Rem knew she did as well. After a moment her sister finally sighed and backed away from the controls._

_" Promise me… Marina that you'll take good care of Knives and Vash. Especially Vash… I know how much leaving me behind has hurt both of them." Meryl nodded a little, hugging her sister tightly. _

---

Vash grunted slightly at Meryl, staring at the ground. " Those were her exact last words." He seemed slightly stunned by them, like it took a lot out of him just to hear it from her. " How did you survive?" Meryl blinked before looking to the ground herself. " Not sure really. Woke up on the ground. Good guess I was out for months though… my body was sore, could pretty much guess everything broke and burned."

Vash didn't say anything as he stood and walked away from her, still staring at the ground, very stunned. Meryl didn't try to stop him either when he walked out of the front door into the night.

" I guess… I failed that promise Rem and I'm sorry… But I'll do my best to take care of him now."

---

I guess to be it was kind of a boring chapter… but I needed to get at least a basis for Meryl's past. Meryl being so 'special' is going to come up later on too. Guess the kind of cliffy is… will Vash come back this time? (Okay okay, yes that sucks. XD) And yes I know, the details are really kind of raw, but I shall be clearing those up later on what they did to her. It's all coming, just in bursts.

Thank you to those who reviewed for the last chapter especially with my Meryl/Merle mistake, and to Otaku...yup I write themmyself. Got the idea of kind of introductions from another Trigun story, but made them my own philosophical twist to them. So glad someone really likes them!

Please R&R… maybe for those of you who review… I'll make the next chapter a little… fluffy. Hehe depends on who wants it that bad.


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